If You're Unhappy, You Have The Power To Change
Reflecting on my Muay Thai journey #2
I was SOO anxious when I made an audio journal for my third week of Muay Thai.
Too anxious. Yeah, you heard that right, too Godamn anxious, ladies and gentlemen.
See, here’s the thing, ya’ll, I know myself. I know how I think, and how I feel because I’ve been practicing self-awareness and improving my emotional intelligence for a good fucking while now. So, on that audio journal for my third week of Muay Thai, I knew something was terribly wrong.
“This is my third week of Muay Thai,” I told myself before the recording, “I shouldn’t be feeling this fucking anxious.”
“Why?” I asked myself when I was supposed to attend class the next day, still feeling the same. “Why am I feeling this way?”
My surroundings
Before I move on, I’ll have to preface that the owner of the gym I attended was a good person. They did nothing wrong. It’s just that the owner and the aura they created for their gym… wasn’t my vibe.
What do I mean by that?
There’s a somewhat simple answer and a more personal one. Let’s start with…
The simple answer
The vibe of the gym was high on masculinity and low on feminity. Think Marine vibes, which, hey there, hi there, ho there, is totally ok! You do you, right? Right. You do you and I’ll do me. And the type of vibe I seek embraces both masculinity and feminity equally! Think Aragorn or Uncle Iroh, bold and strong men who also radiate kindness and sensitivity for days.
The personal answer
Hmm. I’m wondering how much I should open up here. A little? A lot? I don't know. Here goes…
The owner’s very presence triggered something from my past. What was that something? Yeah, I’m still trying to figure that out ya’ll but it was bad. Like, I could barely fucking breathe and I’d always keep an eye out for the exit type of bad, you know?
I don’t think the owner's high vibes on masculinity represented just one person from my past but many. Hell, they represented everyone and anyone who stifled my sensitivity growing up as a kid, teen, and hell, even a toddler because yes, even if I don’t remember my toddler years, my body does. My subconscious does.
Finding the lesson
You learn more from the bad than you do from the good. And though I wouldn’t call this a bad experience but a tough one, this tough experience taught me—or rather— reminded me to always put my happiness first and stay true to my principles.
What are my principles?
I will not tolerate men or women out of touch with their feminine side. With their sensitivity. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always be kind to everyone, but, when it comes to giving masculine beings lacking in feminity more of my precious time and energy—which I expand on in this post—nuh-uh, son, you ain’t getting more of my time, ya hear?
Change
The day after I made an audio journal detailing my anxiety, I set up a trial run with another Muay Thai gym that very night and… I’ve been with them since.
It is my Miyagi-Do as opposed to a Cobra Kai. Or, better yet, a combination of the two. There is a time to strike first, strike hard, and, there is a time to step aside and wait, practicing balance and internal peace and… sensitivity.
Anywho.
Ya’ll.
YA’LL.
This gym is amazing. I actually feel like I’m making progress, getting one baby step closer to being a bad motherfucker. I’m still far from that day, very far, but, I’ll get there. I always do.
Final Thoughts
If you’re unhappy with your life, know that change can happen at any point in time in your life. You don’t have to wait for a birthday, the new year, or the start of a decade to make that change.
You can make that unexpected plot twist in the book that is your life whenever you want.
You can start a new chapter at this very moment.
So, why don’t you?
The 3 C’s of Life: Choices, Chances, Changes. You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.
— Zig Ziglar