At first, I hated Charlie Kaufman’s film adaptation of Iain Reid’s I’m Thinking of Ending Things. Odds are, you’ll probably hate it too. Why? Because you’ll be asking yourself throughout the film, “What the bloody fuck is going on here, mate?”
Then the major twist in the end is revealed.
Then I said, “Oh. Well, that was the stupidest film I’ve ever seen in my fucking life. Just how high was the guy who wrote it, eh?”
Then I went to bed and slept like a fucking baby.
It’s just… I couldn’t fucking sleep. I woke up at 1 am, unable to shake away this profound and unique story about lonely people.
Spoiler Alert
If you have even the slightest interest in watching this film, I’d urge you to hang on. To get past your initial reaction. To resist the urge to make sense of a nonsensical story. To be open but, more importantly, to be kind. This is a story about loneliness and memory, which sparks one of my favorite quotes from Blade Runner 2049:
They all think it’s about more detail but that’s not how memory works. We recall with our feelings. Anything real should be a mess.
This is a real and messy story.
With that said, let me carry on with my full and spoiler-filled thoughts.
The twist
I’m thinking of ending things. Once this thought arrives, it stays. It sticks. It lingers. It’s always there. Always.
Jake once said, “Sometimes a thought is closer to truth, to reality, than an action. You can say anything, you can do anything, but you can’t fake a thought.”
And here’s what I’m thinking: I don’t want to be here.
The twist is given away in the opening lines of the book and film. At first viewing, like so many others, I thought this was going to be a story about a woman struggling to break free of her abusive boyfriend’s clutches.
It’s not.
It’s a story about a lonely man’s desperate and final attempt to hang on to his life.
He fails.
And we, the viewers, much like the world around Jake that passes him by every day, don’t care.
If it was me dying on the sidewalk, you’d walk right over me. I pass you everyday and you don’t notice me.
— Arthur Fleck (Joker)
My late response
1 am.
It’s 1 am and I’ve just escaped a surreal and creepy dream no different than Jake’s fantasy in his darkest hour. I feel… sad. Sad and ashamed of my initial reaction to the film. Towards Jake, a man who could have stayed in this world should he had a real friend.
Friend. Instantly, I think of a Jake in my life who could use a friend and declare I’ll hit him up first thing in the morning.
I did.
All the lonely people, where do they all come from?
I don’t know.
I don’t know where all the lonely people come from. Is it a product of our society? A neglected childhood as Jake contemplates in the film? I don’t know. And I’m not going to expand on that here. I’m not fond of theories or intellectual debates that get nowhere, I’m fond of action. And action is what we’ll need to get to a solution.
Why?
Because this film isn’t fiction, it’s real.
We all know a Jake in our lives on the verge of self-destruction, or an Arthur on the brink of unleashing havoc—lonely males neglected by the world and pushed farther away as they age because this world is unkind to the natural flow that is aging.
Anywho, I digress.
Aaron’s story
Jake’s story reminded me of Aaron Stark’s TedTalk, “I Was Almost a School Shooter.”
What prevented Aaron from shooting up a school or a mall wasn’t an inspirational talk by a coach, or a tough love lecture from a parent, but a simple act of kindness. “Want to hang out?” his friend asked him when he noticed a dark aura around Aaron.
“Sure,” Aaron replied.
And that was that. Aaron and his friend passed the time watching TV and shooting the shit, treating it like it was a Tuesday, yet saving Aaron’s soul.
When someone treats you like a person when you dont even feel human, it can change your entire world — Aaron Stark
All the lonely people, how can they be helped?
Simple acts of kindness just like Aaron’s friend carried. I’d say we dudes can have more of an impact on the Jake and Aarons of the world because most Jake and Aarons don’t have experience conversing or approaching a woman… yet. That’s what the bros are for.
Anywho...
…I’m thinking of starting things
I’m thinking of starting things. Once this thought arrives, it stays. It sticks. It lingers. It’s always there. Always.
Jake once said, “Sometimes a thought is closer to truth, to reality, than an action. You can say anything, you can do anything, but you can’t fake a thought.”
And here’s what I’m thinking: I want to start things.
Jake’s story hit me hard. I think it’s because were it not for my writing or the constants and variables—Bioshock Infinite reference, get it? No. Ok—that made me who I am today, I would be Jake.
That’s scary, man.
I used to daydream as much as Jake. I used to come up with countless fantasies creating, reliving, and altering memories from my past. Granted, I still fantasize—nowhere near as much as I used to—but it’s a different kind of fantasy. A healthier and more optimistic kind.
More importantly, though, I’m grounded in reality. In the knowledge that to attain my fantasy, I have to take action in every aspect of my life: personal, career, interpersonal, and so on.
I’ve started things.
I’ve started things long before I ever knew who Jake was.
And, well, I’m excited to see these things come to fruition in due time.